


Don't you feel it?

by Amortentia42



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Auror Harry Potter, Drama, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, HP: EWE, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Epilogue Compliant, On Hiatus, Pining, Possessive Draco Malfoy, Post-Hogwarts, Smut, Tags are being written as i go along, and this time i mean it, because I didn't know what i was doing, because I'm back baby, because it's draco and harry, because tags are hard, but i now have a plot, but not for long, early chapters are cringe, so ofc there's drama, so stay tuned my beautiful pumpkins, well a semblance of a plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-04-10 08:12:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4384094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amortentia42/pseuds/Amortentia42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Harry saves Draco from getting attacked in diagon alley and drama ensues - because it's romance ffs...and life is never simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Malfoy Scum"

**Author's Note:**

> Hope its okay. All comments appreciated! :)

Harry wove his way through the crowded streets of Diagon Alley, having to stop every so often to shake hands with an admirer with a hurried greeting and bashful nod of the head. Still, seven years after the war his ‘golden boy’ image was following him around like his shadow and was one of the reasons he put off these excursions until absolutely necessary. Today was one of those necessary occasions due to Hermione’s birthday fast approaching and Harry leaving it to the last minute as usual to find her a present. It’s not through a lack of trying however. She was simply one of the hardest people to buy for. Books would have been an obvious choice but she had so many already and she had never been interested in expensive jewellery or any other typical birthday presents. No doubt Ron was having the same problem, although Harry felt sorrier for him since Hermione was his wife and so had even more pressure on him to deliver. As he rounded a corner onto a quieter path, he heard a noise to the far left of him down a narrow alleyway that sounded like muffled rough voices and a man whimpering. His instincts kicked in and he grabbed his wand from his back pocket, a habit that he still hadn’t lost despite Mad Eye’s warnings of losing a buttock in his youth, and ventured to investigate the source of the noise. It had been a while since a dark wizard attack but he was always vigilant, never completely letting down his guard. His recent years of working as an Auror meant that he was still always ready for an unexpected attack. As he walked down the seemingly deserted alleyway the sounds grew louder until he could hear they were only a few feet away around the corner.

“…Malfoy scum”, a man spat. “You and your whore of a Mother should have been thrown in Azkaban along with your pathetic Father. “

“Don’t you dare call my – “

“CRUCIO!”

The sound of Draco Malfoy crying out in pain made Harry’s anger come rushing in in full force for reasons he wasn’t sure of but he decided he had heard enough.

“Expelliarmus”, Harry cast the spell and caught the wand of Malfoys attacker. “What the FUCK do you think you’re doing?” he growled through gritted teeth. The man looked shocked at having Harry Potter standing inches from his face. He had shoulder length thestral black hair and his eyes looked distant and cold with a scar across his left cheek. Probably a remnant from the war. A lot of people still bore the scars both visible and invisible. He looked shocked at being prevented from continuing his abuse of Malfoy who many of the wizarding world still bore a heavy grudge against and who would usually have turned a blind eye but the vexation in his face was beginning to turn into fear at the ferocious anger and disgust flashing behind Harry’s eyes. It was so powerful and threatening, that it made even Draco who was lying half conscious and bloody upon the floor take notice and look at in awe.

“He – He’s a Malfoy. He deserves everything he gets. You know what him and his family were involved in. How many people died because of their spineless devotion to You Know Who.”

“What is your name?”

“Peterson. Xavier Peterson.”

“Well, Peterson, it must have escaped your notice but he and his Mother were found not guilty by the Wizenagamot, based on MY evidence. He is a free man to do as he pleases and I’m sure he’s not the only one who did things they regret in the war. I’m sure you would have done the same to protect your family – or would you have just let them die? Yeah I didn’t think so. The use of an unforgivable curse carries the highest form of punishment so I suggest you get out of my sight now before I have you arrested. And if I hear you have ever done anything like this again I will see to you personally.”

And with that, the man dissaparated. Harry, still internally fuming turned to Malfoy who was still led on the side of the path, his nose bleeding and cuts across his face and hands, looking utterly spent. Harry performed a healing charm to fix his broken nose and stop the flow of blood, while also healing his cuts.

“Why…” Draco asked quietly.

“No one deserves to be treated like that. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.” Harry looked into Draco’s silver eyes and saw an emotion there that he couldn’t quite read.

“I do deserve it. It’s true what he said. I was a coward in the war and by all rights I should have been chucked in Azkaban. This is the third time now that you’ve saved me Potter. I can look out for myself I don’t need your help.” Draco said while trying to lift himself up off of the floor.

“Yeah it looks like it” Harry answered sarcastically. “Here, let me help you.”

Harry offered his hand but Draco smacked it away.

“NO. I don’t need your help. I had it under control okay! Stop being such a goddamn Gryffindor if you could for one second. Just go. We don’t want your golden boy image to be tarnished by people seeing you with a death eater now do we?” Malfoy snarled.

“Ex – death eater you twat. And you only did what you had to save your family. But fine if you don’t want my help then I’ll go.”

Harry turned to leave but heard Draco whimper again whilst trying to stand.

“Oh for goodness sake, Malfoy just let me help you!” And with that, Harry put his arm underneath Draco, supporting his weight. It was an odd feeling being this close to Malfoy. He could feel the heat of his breath on his neck whilst he clambered up from the ground and the feel of him pressed to his side was one that Harry missed when Malfoy let go of him to lean against the wall instead. Green eyes met grey and a silence fell between them for a few moments in which Draco slowed his breathing and Harry tried to read what he was thinking to no avail.  

“I’m sorry…thank you.” Draco mumbled

“It’s no problem”, Harry sad rubbing the back of his neck, shuffling awkwardly at the new change in atmosphere. Cordiality wasn’t something new between Harry and Draco. For the past few years they had been civil to each other when needed. However, this was something else. This was a moment of genuine sincerity on Draco’s part. His Malfoy mask had slipped away for the briefest of moments and behind it Harry saw the glimpse of a vulnerable and changed man from the sneering, sniping boy he had known in his youth. He looked weary and all of a sudden all Harry wanted was to take the man in his arms and hold him and protect him until all was right. Harry shook his head to try and get rid of these feelings. Wait…feelings? Since when had he had feelings for Malfoy of all people aside from irritation and suspicion?

“What are you staring at Potter?” Malfoy snapped defensively. His mask now firmly back in place.

Shit he had been unintentionally gawping at Malfoys face for however long his thoughts had led him astray.

“What, nothing. I was just thinking while you got some of your strength back.”

“I should have known that thinking would require all your brain power, Potter.” Draco jibed. Although harry could have sworn he caught a glint in his eye when he said it.

“Piss off, Malfoy. Are you alright to move now? Where do you live, I don’t want you walking home alone in case there’s a repeat performance of you getting the shit beaten out of you.”

A hint of shock crossed Malfoys face at that. “Why do you care if I get the shit beaten out of me anyway?”

“I told you already. Because you don’t deserve to be treated like that. And…” And what Harry thought to himself. And because seeing Malfoy in pain like that is something you never want to see again so long as you live that’s what. No. Harry shoved that thought to the back of his mind where it lay repressed but not entirely dormant.

“And what?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry. So where do you live then?” Harry asked, recovering his train of thought.

“Trying to get into my bed already Potter, I am surprised.” Draco smirked.

“What” Harry blustered as images of what Malfoy would look like in bed flashed across Harrys mind making a blush spread across his cheeks. “I’m not trying to get into your bed Malfoy I’m just trying to help you, you twit.”

“Merlin, Potter. It was only a joke. I live a few minutes away above my potions shop. 23 Abbeydale Way, Diagon Alley.”

Harry once again put his arm underneath Draco’s, supporting as much of his weight as Draco allowed and with that, they walked together with some difficulty and in silence apart from a few muttered directions, to Draco’s flat.


	2. The smirk

Harry helped Draco through the door to his flat, after walking up the stairs with difficulty, but not having to support his weight as much since his strength was returning. Harry knew how draining the cruciatus curse could be, especially when used with as much determination and malevolence as Peterson had applied it on Draco.

“Ow! Potter watch where you’re going will you I almost tripped over then you twit.” Draco hissed.

“Stop complaining you can sit down in a second, hang on.” Harry twisted his body round in order to position Draco next to the sofa in his living room which he then immediately led down on, still looking slightly worse for wear. Harry took this opportunity to look around at his new surroundings. Draco’s house was elegantly furnished, with pale blue walls and expensive looking furniture. However, if Harry was expecting coldness he didn’t see or feel it. It had a familiar homely feel to it with comfortable decorated silver pillows and a fireplace in the middle of the room. It had Malfoy’s style but not the cold, self-important, aloof grandeur Harry had seen in Malfoy Manor. Which sparked a question in him.

“Malfoy, how come you don’t live at the Manor anymore anyway?”

Draco looked up at him, with a look on his face that suggested he didn’t want to answer that question but he did anyway, and that stirred something in Harry at having Draco’s trust put in him, despite him not knowing what he’d done to deserve it.

“I didn’t want to go back there after the war. It was my home for years but since, Vol _\- he_ stayed there it just felt polluted. I couldn’t go in there again without remembering everything I did wrong, all the death and dark magic that occurred there. It was like it was smeared on the walls and in the air that I breathed. It stifled me and I had to leave. So I decided to move in here. It’s convenient for business anyway.”

Draco winced slightly as he sat up on the sofa. Harry looked at him with surprise and understanding in his eyes. He knew what it was like to never want to set foot in your childhood home again. The bad memories that it could trigger and the bitterness of how things could have been so very different. He couldn’t change the past however. That much he knew for certain.

“Well I like it here. It feels like it’s more you than the Manor was.” Harry declared.

“Oh Gods if you like it then it must be in urgent need of redecorating. I don’t trust your sense of style, Potter. After all you’re still wearing those bloody glasses you’ve had since school.” Draco looked him up and down which led to Harry feeling extremely exposed. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately, if he ever did, and he was still wearing his work clothes from last night, with a shadow of stubble on his face since he hadn’t had time to shave. Draco would never admit it but Potter with stubble was a sight he wouldn’t mind seeing again.

“Shut up, Malfoy. Just because we don’t all feel the need to prune ourselves in front of the mirror for 5 hours before we leave the house.” Harry quipped back.

Draco threw his hand back against his head in a look of mock hurt. Seeing this playful side of Draco was something Harry was by no means used to and he found himself laughing along with Malfoy before he knew it. A foreign experience but a good one none the less Harry thought. Draco’s laugh was loud but warm and genuine and wasn’t what Harry had expected from the sneering Malfoy he had known in previous years. After the laughter had died down Harry also sat down on the sofa next to Draco and met his eyes still shining with the remnants of a laugh.

“So how are you feeling now?”

“Better. A lot better.”

“Good. You know…you’ve changed a lot since school. Can you imagine this ever happening back then? Me and you actually having a civilised conversation. It would have been more like sharp insults followed by hexes.” Harry said tentatively. He was still unsure of how long this civility would last before Malfoy returned to his usual withdrawn Malfoy demeanour.

“Well don’t worry about that, Potter. I can still put you in your place if needed. You may be everyone else’s great saviour but to me you’re still a specky git.” Draco said with his infamous smirk ever so slightly visible on his thin pink lips.

“And I can still beat you in a dual so watch your tongue,  _Draco.”_ Harry wasn’t sure why he decided to use Malfoy’s first name but it sounded right on his tongue when he said it.

“On first name terms are we now, Potter? Don’t think just because you helped me out of a tight corner today that we’re going to become best friends. I don’t think the weasel would like that much now would he?”

“No,  _Ron_ , is still very much of the opinion that you’re a slimy ungrateful prat.” Harry answered half laughing.

“And you…?” Draco asked quieter than before.

“I think you’ve changed after the war. Just like most of us have. You’re still a prat and have the ability to irritate me beyond belief but it’s in a different way. I don’t know how it’s different but it doesn’t quite make me want to hex you to oblivion so it must be a good thing.”

Draco met Harry’s eyes at that and for a moment his grey moon like eyes looked into Harry’s which glimmered like emeralds in the sunlight passing through the window. It caused Draco’s stomach to flip and he knew the reason why it did but he had pushed that truth to the back of his mind. Forced it to lie there in denial in the hope that the feeling would die but it never did. Every time he looked at Harry it would always come back despite his efforts to shut away his feelings. Harry was the only one that could make his Malfoy mask that he had perfected over the years slip off and he hated him for it. Hate as many know however, is very similar to love. Draco had come to this realisation in his years at Hogwarts when he would stare over at the Gryffindor table in the hopes of catching those green eyes looking back at him with anything other than contempt. They never did though. Or the times when the weaslette would sit next to Harry or even worse when they started dating and his heart would feel like a caged beast, growling and poisoning his bloodstream with jealousy which would put him in a foul mood for most of his waking hours. Much to his friends, Pansy and Blaise’s despair. A sulking Malfoy was the most irritating and difficult to deal with. He wanted Harry to be his but knew he would never have him and it made him push the feelings away in an attempt to convince himself that he hated the boy who lived and his friends who got to spend all their time with him when they didn’t even know how lucky they were. That night he had seen him at Malfoy Manor was one that would stay with him forever. The threat of Harry being killed right there and then caused him so strong a burst of despair that he thought he might have died himself. Bringing himself back to his senses, Draco forced himself to look away from Harry.

“Thankyou. For not being like the others. There’s still a lot of people like the Weasel that would prefer that I had been locked up in Azkaban with the key thrown away. Along with my Mother. I never really thanked you for doing what you did and giving evidence to have us cleared of charges at our trial. But it was something that neither of us will forget. We were both extremely grateful for it.” Draco said softly and with sincerity, meeting Harry’s eyes again as he finished.

Harry looked back at Draco. “It was the right thing to do. You and your mother weren’t guilty of those charges. Narcissa actually saved my life. There was no way I could let you…and her go to Azkaban. Don’t thank me again. It was the right thing to do.” Harry repeated.

“Doesn’t being noble all the time ever get tiring? No wonder you look so tired all the time” Draco remarked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Harry snorted. “Doesn’t being so vain ever get tiring for you?”

“Touché, Potter but was that really a snort I just heard?”

“Piss off, Malfoy.” Harry retorted holding back yet another snort. Why was he laughing so much with Draco Malfoy of all people? This wasn’t just friendly banter though Harry thought to himself. He was actually flirting. Shit. Flirting with Malfoy what was he doing? Alarm bells started going off in Harry’s head, which only increased in volume when he accidently brushed against Malfoy’s thigh. He felt his skin tingle underneath his trousers where he had met Draco’s and had to fight to keep a blush from rising on his face.

“Sorry!” Harry started a bit louder than he had meant to. Draco went pink for the briefest of moments before his usual pale complexion returned along with a mischievous look in his eye.

“Don’t worry, Potter. I didn’t know my looks made me irresistible for even the chosen one. Although you might want to refrain from feeling me up in public. People might begin to talk and we wouldn’t want that to happen would we?” Draco said smirking.

That smirk sent Harry over the edge. He couldn’t stop the blush spreading with full force at that and soon he was a brilliant colour of red which there was no way he could hide from Draco. He needed to get out of there before he started something he would regret. Draco’s lips still had that playful smirk on them and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop staring at them. Fluctuating between trying to look anywhere in the room apart from Draco and failing miserably when he kept subconsciously darting back to Draco’s lips and then back up to his brilliant shining silver eyes that if Harry was not mistaken, were looking at him in a way that suggested they had achieved their goal. He couldn’t. What was he doing right now? He couldn’t kiss Draco Malfoy. It was _Draco Malfoy_ for fucks sake. It was all Harry could think of right now though. He was having an inner turmoil in those fleeting seconds that was becoming a war between his head and his heart. His head was starting to surrender, however, and feeling like this was the one thing he had wanted to do for the longest time but hadn’t realised it until now, he moved in, his head in a cloud of lust and without thinking another thought apart from how much he wanted the man in front of him, he smashed his lips against Draco’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a bit of a slow burner of a fanfiction but we'll see where it goes ;)


	3. The aftermath

Draco froze. His mind and his body felt like they were lost in time and for a minute he lost all sense of his surroundings and what was happening. All he was aware of was the feeling of soft and slightly chapped lips on his. He didn’t know how long he had been sat there like a rabbit in the headlights for but he snapped back into his senses, his defensive Malfoy demeanour came into full force and was like whiplash on Draco’s mind. He placed his hand on Harry’s chest and pushed him back. Harry looked completely mortified and was a deep shade of scarlet.

“What the fuck are you doing? Do you think that was funny or something Potter?” Malfoy spat.

“I’m s-s-sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I should just go…shit I…” Harry stammered. He wanted nothing more than to just sink through the floor and never have to face Draco Malfoy again.

“Why did you kiss me? Did someone put you up to it did they? I’m not just some damsel in distress Potter. I don’t need your pity or whatever that was meant to be!”

Harry ran his hands down his face. “No! No it wasn’t pity, I…I don’t know why I kissed you, okay?! It just happened. I just…”

“Just what?” Draco said more softly, his temper falling back down now that he could see just how in turmoil Harry looked. He still didn’t know what or how to think though. Why had Harry kissed him? And why didn’t he kiss him back? This was what he had wanted since he was a teenager but he never thought that it would ever happen. Harry was straight for God’s sake. Not only that, but he hated him. He’d been his mortal enemy since Hogwarts. Although, maybe not any more…he had testified for him in his trial…and saved – _assisted_ him earlier.

As Draco’s mind whirled around with these thoughts and questions, Harry’s mind was on only one thing. How the fuck was he getting out of here?

“I just…need to go. Now. Right now. I just remembered I have an important meeting at the ministry in half an hour”. And with that Harry shot up and bolted for the door, disaparating before Draco could even process what he had said.

 

* * *

 

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

Harry arrived at grimmauld place a few seconds later and started pacing the floor of the kitchen. _Shiiiittttt. What did I just do?! Malfoy, Harry for fucks sake! Why did it have to be HIM? What if he tells someone and then it gets in all the papers and…oh my God’s what if Ron finds out? FUCK._ Harry slammed his fist down on the table and caused sparks to shoot out of his wand. _Wait. Calm down. This is Malfoy we’re talking about here. He wouldn’t want this getting out any more than he would. He would see blabbing to the daily prophet as beneath him anyway._ Harry thought to himself. Also, there was the way he was looking at him before he had left. Draco’s face had softened and his usual Malfoy mask had slipped, allowing Harry to see an emotion there that he hadn’t expected – not anger like there was when he had pushed him away, there was sadness but underneath that still…hope? _Am I actually going insane?! Sadness and hope what am I thinking, he was probably disgusted and shocked senseless._ Harry ran a hand through his hair. A nervous habit and cursed himself for being so stupid. He knew he wasn’t going to get much sleep tonight.

 

* * *

 

Back in Draco’s flat, he was still sat in the same place on the sofa. Staring into space whilst trying to think coherently but all that kept going round in his head was the same thing- how it felt to have Harry’s lips on his. The Holy Grail that he had been desiring for so long and he had just pushed him away and humiliated him. Draco let out a groan and rested his head in his hands. It’s him. It’s always been him. The one person who could get under his skin like no other but also the one person who he wanted the most out of anyone in the world…and he wasn’t going to let him just walk away after he had gained a hint of a similar feeling from him, no matter how small. He came to a conclusion… _Fuck. I’m going to have to go to the ministry tomorrow._


	4. Pansy

 “Draco for god’s sake! What is going on with you today, are you even listening to anything I’m saying right now?” Pansy exclaimed irritably, waving a hand in front of his face as they sat opposite each other in a more secluded corner table in the Dragon’s head café. She was wearing an all-black outfit and had red lipstick and sharp winged eyeliner as always. Her trademark make up as she liked to refer to it. Draco on the other hand, looked like he’d only gotten a few hours’ sleep but thanks to his Malfoy vanity, had still managed to prune his hair into perfection.

“What? Yeah I am I’m just…thinking at the same time that’s all. Besides if I have to hear anything else about this new love conquest of yours I might just hex myself so I don’t have to listen to it anymore.” Draco quipped back.

“Thinking – well that’s a rarity with you. Usually you’ll be checking out some guy instead of listening to me. How is your love life at the moment anyway? Although, I think I already know the answer to that. You can’t just keep having one night stands, Draco. You need to put yourself out there more and stop pining over the bloody golden boy all the time.”

“I do not _pine_ for him thank you very much.” Draco said shooting Pansy a glare that would ordinarily intimidate the most important of wizards or witches.

Pansy was used to it, however, and simply smirked back whilst raising an eyebrow, “yeah, of course you don’t.”

“And who are you to judge me, I don’t see you having any stable relationships, unless you count seducing married men as a stable relationship.”

Pansy Parkinson hadn’t changed much since their days at Hogwarts. She’d abandoned her fixation with bedding Draco since learning that he was in fact gay and instead was now one of his best friends. Although, he would never tell her that himself, but he didn’t need to. She knew. However, she was still intent on getting her hands on any man who so much as moved but these days she had a larger agenda of not only seducing them but then using them to get what she wanted – whether that be money or a promotion. Draco would be lying however, if he didn’t admit he was always rather impressed by her cunning. She was still as loyal a friend as you could fine though and had stuck by Draco for all these years, for which he was always grateful. Even if she did irritate him beyond belief sometimes.

Pansy tossed back her long black hair and faked an innocent look whilst looking at her perfectly manicured nails. “Well you know what they say, if you have a talent for something you might as well exploit it.”

Draco chuckled at that and felt his nerves that had been on an all-time high that day relax a little. For all her faults, Pansy did still have a good sense of humour that meant she could put up with Draco’s jibes.

“So, what is it that has you so pre occupied today anyway? Or should I be asking _who_ is it?” Pansy inquired, leaning forward and resting her face in her hand, a mischievous look in her eye.

“It’s nothing…something happened that’s all and I don’t know what to do about it just yet.” Draco answered feigning a blank expression on his face in order to not give anything away.

Pansy must have known him better than he thought, however, as she sat didn’t move and simply hummed back before sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms, saying “Wow thank you for that piece of cryptic, bullshit information there, Draco. So who is he then?”

“He’s no one! Haven’t you ever heard of minding your own business?”

Pansy giggled. “Draco, this is me you’re talking to. Of course I haven’t. So come on then, tell me everything. Ooooh is he someone I know, is this why you’re not telling me who?”

“Pansy just piss off! I don’t want to talk about it.” Draco huffed.

“Oh no. Don’t tell me this has something to do with _him.”_

“I don’t know who you mean by _him.”_ Draco lied.

“Oh yes you do. There’s only one person I know who’s ever made you so stroppy and annoyingly withdrawn when thinking and that’s Harry bloody Potter. What has he done to you? Do I need to go and give him a piece of my mind and punch him because I will, his golden boy image doesn’t faze me!”

Draco actually had to bite his lip to stop himself from smiling too much at that. Pansy did always have his back and he would never admit it but he did value her friendship enormously at times like these.

“Don’t worry Pans, I can look after myself but you don’t need to punch him anyway. He hasn’t done anything wrong…if anything I’m the one who’s been an idiot.” Draco said staring at the table.

“I KNEW IT WAS HIM.” Pansy slammed her hand down on the table triumphantly, gaining a few stares from neighbouring tables.

“Well done, I think you just managed to announce that to the whole café.” Draco muttered whilst stirring his coffee absentmindedly.

“So what happened?!” Pansy asked nudging Draco’s shoulder and earning herself a raised eyebrow of reproach from Draco.

“I told you. It’s none of your business now bugger off.”

“But, Draaaacccccooooo.”

“But nothing.”

“I hate you.”

“Grow up.” Draco smirked

“Tellll meeeeee.” Pansy said, sticking her bottom lip out. “If you don’t I’ll just have to go and ask, Potter myself.”

Draco almost choked on his coffee he had just taken a sip of. “No you fucking won’t!”

“I will!” Pansy exclaimed, a look of victory on her face. There was no wonder she was sorted into Slytherin, Draco thought to himself. She always had a way of getting exactly what she wanted.

“Okay fine!” Draco hissed. “He…sort of…helped me out in diagon alley yesterday and then we were talking back at my place and we were getting on really well – yeah I know its shocking.” Draco answered in reply to Pansy’s look of disbelief. “…and well he…kissed me.”

“ _Holy fucking shit Draco he kissed you?!”_ Pansy whispered quickly. “What did you do? Please tell me you kissed him back. Please tell me I can finally be free of moping Draco Malfoy for once and for all!”

“Okay first of all, I resent that. I do not mope for Harry Potter. And secondly, no I didn’t. I…pushed him away and accused him of kissing me out of pity.” Draco admitted hurriedly.

Pansy rolled her eyes “You absolute idiot, Draco Malfoy! How long have you waited for this and you _pushed him away_. God’s give me strength.” She said looking up to the ceiling.

“But why now? Why would he suddenly have feelings for me now? Completely out of the blue like that, it’s just not realistic!”

“Yes but it’s not completely out of the blue is it, you twit! How many times have I told you that I thought there was something there between the two of you? I mean at Hogwarts, there was hardly a day that would go by without one of you seeking the other out to have a go at the other or without one of you constantly looking at each other’s tables at meal times. I mean, come on he practically stalked you for a bit there in sixth year, Draco.”

“But he hates me! He’s never shown anything but contempt for me and I don’t blame him. I’ve made some pretty shit mistakes in my life so far.” Draco replied, feeling the shame and guilt building up inside of him again.

Pansy leant forwards again and looked Draco in the eyes. “Okay, firstly, you saw contempt. I saw sexual tension. Secondly, everyone has made mistakes Draco. Especially during the war. But he knows that and hasn’t held it against you has he? I mean for goodness sake he even testified for you at your trial!”

“Hmmmm” Draco hummed back, meeting her gaze and offering a weak smile back. “Thanks Pans.”

“No problem. Don’t get all sentimental on me though, I can’t deal with a soft Draco Malfoy as well as a pining one.” She said winking. “So what are you going to do about this all then? Please tell me you’re going to talk to him about it.”

“I’m going to go to the ministry today to talk to him at work. I don’t know where he lives and I thought it’s better than meeting somewhere else where people will only talk if they see us together. This way it will look like I’m just discussing something that might help the aurors out.”

“Okay good. Tell me how it goes as soon as you get back or I swear to Merlin I will hex you senseless, Draco!” Pansy threatened with a serious look on her face but laughter behind her eyes.

“Yes mum.” Draco answered sarcastically. “I better get going now actually” Draco said, leaving some money on the table and rising from his chair along with Pansy. They said their goodbyes and Draco made his way to the ministry. His stomach feeling like he had Cornish pixies flying around in it, hoping that Harry didn’t stupefy him as soon as he laid eyes on him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr @life-on-terra if you wanna stalk me ;)  
> Thanks for any of you who are still reading this or if you have just started i love you all <3


	5. Epiphanies

Draco hated going to the ministry and avoided it at all costs if he could. Although, it was 7 years since the war, it was still a raw wound for many and the Malfoy name was still met with suspicion, distrust and contempt. Especially from those who had wanted Draco and Narcissa sent down for their part in the war, despite Harry’s testimony that cleared them of all charges. Harry. That was why he was here and he would be damned if the scowls and stares of a few people were going to stop him from achieving his goal. He walked through the foyer, his Malfoy mask firmly in place after years of practice, not revealing any emotion and giving him the heir of superiority. He approached the receptionist to state why he was here and have his wand registered.

“Your name and reason for visiting, _Sir_.” Grunted the man. He looked to be in his mid-40’s with glasses and thinning hair. His eyes that had looked kind and warm when talking with a colleague before Draco had approached had now changed and were looking at him with a cold, hard expression. Draco was used to this reaction, however.

“Draco Malfoy. I’m here to speak with Harry Potter on some important business that may prove useful to him.” Draco answered formally, but politely.

“Wand.”

Draco handed over his wand for the man to place on a set of scales to inspect.

“10 inches. Hawthorne. Unicorn hair core.” The man read off the piece of paper that had come out of the gold scales.

“That’s right.” Draco nodded.

“I assume you remember that as part of the terms of your probation, I have to keep this wand here whilst you visit, Mr. Malfoy?”

Draco answered with a stiff nod.

“Very well. You may go through.” The man gestured to his right towards the lifts.

Draco made his way over to the metal grated lifts and entered, pressing the button for level 2.

“Level 2. Department of Magical Law Enforcement, including the Improper Use of Magic Office, Auror Headquarters, and Wizenagamot Administration Services.” The magical voice declared.

Sooner than he would have liked, he found himself outside the Auror headquarters, his stomach doing backflips. Taking one last deep breathe he entered. It hadn’t changed much in the years since Draco had last seen it when at the ministry with his father when younger. There were still cubicles for each Auror, decorated with pictures of wanted dark wizards, some of whom he was ashamed to say he had known, maps, family photos and newspaper clippings. He made his way over to the office that had Harry’s name on it, above the words ‘Head Auror’.

“Can I help you?” asked a woman sat outside the office, presumably Harry’s secretary.

“I’m here to see Harry Potter. Could you please tell him I’m here?”

The receptionist nodded and walked over to the office, knocking before she entered. She came back within 30 seconds and gestured to Draco. “You can go in now.”

Draco offered her a polite nod back and walked into the room. Not knowing what to expect once he saw Harry. The door snapped closed as soon as he entered and he barely caught a glimpse of Harry before he asked “So what are you doing here, Malfoy?”

Malfoy. So they were back on last name terms. Draco thought to himself.

 “We need to talk…about what happened yesterday.” Draco said, his voice quivering slightly for which he mentally cursed himself for. Standing up straighter and trying to pull himself together he had a chance to fully look at the man standing before him in front of his desk. He looked even worse than when they had seen each other last. His eyes had dark circles around them and he looked like a man who hadn’t slept properly in days. His hair was messy and looked like it hadn’t seen a comb in years, although this was, Potter he was looking at so that at least wasn’t unusual. He still hadn’t shaved and so was sporting some dark stubble along his chiselled jawline. Now he was referring to, Potter as having a _Chiselled jawline,_ what on earth was getting into him? His robes clung to him in all the right places, however, and he found himself unable to look away from his toned looking torso for longer than he would have liked. He looked back up and moved forwards towards Harry, just wanting to be closer to him and see if he was alright.

Harry held up a hand to stop him getting any closer to him once he was within two feet of him. “You didn’t seem to want to talk about it yesterday. In fact as I remember you seemed horrified at what had happened. So we don’t need to talk about anything. It was a mistake so let’s just drop it, okay? Now if you don’t mind, I have work to be getting on with.”

 _It was a mistake._ For some reason that sent a pang of hurt through Draco’s body and he was left simply standing in the same spot whilst Harry turned his back to him and rested his hands on his desk in front of him. Leaving Draco _trying_ not to notice how incredible his back muscles looked at this angle.

“Well go then!” Harry exclaimed.

“No.”

“Look, we _don’t_ need to talk about it. I regret it, you regret it. That’s it. There’s nothing else to say, so just leave!” Harry kept his position with his back to Draco. Not wanting to see what his face was doing. For some reason, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was lying. Not only to Draco but to himself. _Do I regret it though?_

“I don’t.” Draco said without thinking.

Harry froze. “You don’t what?”

“I don’t regret what happened.” _Shit what was he doing? He was going to make a fool out of himself in front of Harry. He says he regrets it so why can’t I just drop it?!_

 _Because it’s him._ A small voice answered in the back of his mind.

Harry still hadn’t moved and Draco didn’t know what to do. He moved closer to him and put his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Harry.”

Harry whipped back around and found himself closer to Draco than he was anticipating. Their eyes met and he suddenly became aware of how fast his heart was beating. His breath was coming out heavy and fast and he felt like he was rooted to the spot.

“Please say something.” Draco whispered.

Harry simply stared back into his eyes. Noticing how they didn’t hold their usual cold distant demeanour, but instead were dancing with emotions that he couldn’t or didn’t want to read.

“I can’t do this. I just can’t.” Harry tried to say, but it came out as merely a whisper as well.

“Can’t do what? Admit how you feel? For god’s sake, Potter just look at me and tell me how you feel!”  Draco exclaimed, putting both of his hands on Harry’s shoulders.

“What do you mean tell you how _I_ feel? How about how telling me how _you_ feel? Your reaction yesterday wasn’t exactly joyous!” Harry’s temper was rising now. It was his defence mechanism.

Draco broke eye contact with Harry and let his arms drop to his sides whilst staring at a spot on the floor. “I’m sorry…about yesterday. In fact I’m sorry for being such a prat in general. I was just shocked after what had happened and I didn’t know what to say or do or…I don’t know, okay.” Draco ran a hand through his hair, with frustration. “I mean you have to see it from my point of view! You’re _Harry Potter._ The man who has seemed to have despised everything about me since the day I offered you my friendship at the age of 11. What was I supposed to think?” Draco looked up at that last bit and studied Harry’s face, but he couldn’t read what he was thinking. He looked in his eyes and thought he saw what looked like an inner conflict battling behind them.

Harry didn’t know what to do. There was half of him that wanted to jump, Draco right there and then and just kiss him until he stopped looking so rejected and vulnerable. He didn’t like seeing him like this. Harry was used to seeing the cocky, teasing, Malfoy side of Draco. This was something else. This was him reaching out to him. Letting his guard down and exposing his vulnerability. This was Draco. Not Malfoy. Then the other half of him knew he had to say something but didn’t know what. He didn’t even know himself why he had kissed Draco. It was just a spur of the moment thing. Well, a spur of the moment thing that had felt like his whole life had been leading up to. It had felt so right. So natural. He didn’t know how he hadn’t realised this before. When he was at Hogwarts he just put his fascination with him down to loathing and suspicion, but that wasn’t it was it? It was always him. The blonde haired boy from Madam Malkin’s that he had met when he was 11. Goddamn it, why was his life never simple? _I’m in love – I like Draco Malfoy._

“HARRY” Draco called him back into the real world and out of his epiphany.

Harry looked straight into his eyes – “I like you. Okay, I think I’ve always liked you but I didn’t even realise it until now.”

Draco simply stared back into his eyes not showing any signs of emotion.

“Well you know what they say about love and hate…I’m sorry I kissed you yesterday I wasn’t thinking. I am a Gryffindor after all. Being reckless is kind of what we do best. I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Now can you just leave and let me be alone with my embarrassment and humiliation?” Harry rambled.

Draco still stood where he was looking at Harry in a way Harry had never seen him look at anyone before. And then he closed the gap between them in a matter of seconds and pressed his lips to Harry’s. It was soft and tender but desperate and full of need at the same time. Draco wrapped one of his arms around Harry’s waist and entwined his fingers in Harry’s hair, pulling him closer. Harry mimicked the actions and kissed him back. Draco flicked his tongue along Harry’s bottom lip which elicited a moan from Harry that sent Draco into a cloud of lust.  Harry parted his lips, allowing Draco entrance to explore his mouth. This was nothing like Harry had ever felt before. His heart was hammering in his chest and all he wanted was for this to never end. Draco bit down on Harry’s bottom lip and Harry almost whimpered with pleasure, feeling Draco smile against his lips in response and then pulled away, much to Harry’s bereavement. He rested his forehead against Draco’s and nuzzled his nose.

Draco kissed him in between speaking “How could I…leave you…after you just said…what I had been waiting to hear…for years…you twit…”

“Hmmmm” Harry hummed in response. He was too dazed to think of a good response and so simply pulled Draco into another kiss.

They both almost jumped out of their skin when they heard a knocking at the door, bringing them back to reality. They both sprang apart and Harry called out for whoever was there to come in.

“Sorry for interrupting, the Minister would like to see you.” Said the receptionist.

“What about?”

Maria glanced over at Draco and Harry realised she probably wouldn’t say with him being still in the room, so he walked over to her instead to converse quietly.

“Okay, thank you, Maria.” Harry said walking back to his desk where Draco was still stood.

Maria nodded and left the room, leaving Harry and Draco alone again. Neither of them looked at the other for a few seconds, both standing either side of each other not speaking. “Well I better go. I don’t want to keep Kingsley waiting.” Harry said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“Of course.” Draco answered, still not looking at Harry. Something about his tone had changed and Harry felt uneasy.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked, apprehensive of the answer.

Draco didn’t answer immediately, making Harry even more nervous. What if he regretted it now?

The truth of the matter was that after they had separated, Draco’s mind had been working overdrive now that he was back to his senses. What was he doing? This was Harry Potter. He can’t kiss Harry Potter. What would people say? He wasn’t so much concerned about what people would say to him but what would happen to Harry. He had a job that required catching dark wizards and he was kissing an ex death eater. What if they got together properly and people found out? His job would be in jeopardy and not to mention what his friends would say. It was a well renowned fact that the weasel still loathed him. No one as far as he knew even knows that Harry likes men. It seems like Harry has only just found that out. He couldn’t do this. For Harry’s sake.  

“Nothing…I just need some time to think. I’m sorry.” And with that Draco left the room, leaving Harry standing alone and wondering what on earth he had done wrong in those last few minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr: life-on-terra   
> Hey guys, sorry if this is shit. I find it difficult to write kisses idk why. Also, please don't hate me for the ending ;)


	6. Staying Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry gives Draco his space. Its not going to last long though.

“Harry…is anyone awake in there?” Hermione asked, clicking her fingers in front of Harry’s face. They were both sat outside in her and Ron’s garden, whilst Ron and Ginny were inside preparing lunch for Hermione’s birthday. They were having their own birthday celebration for Hermione now, going to the burrow later on in the evening for a larger meal with the rest of their friends and family.

Harry blinked, being brought back into reality from his wandering thoughts. He couldn’t stop analysing what had happened between him and Draco three days previously, what he had done wrong and what was even happening to begin with. Harry and his feelings had never been close and he’d spent most of his life either trying to ignore them or being overpowered by them, especially if he was angry. A trait that led to a lot of his reckless decisions.

“Sorry ‘mione, just a case at work that’s keeping me preoccupied.” Harry lied. Hermione didn’t look convinced, however, and raised an eyebrow in response.

“Harry I’ve known you for 14 years now. I know when you’re lying.”

“It’s nothing – _honestly_!”

Hermione looked ready to interject again so Harry tried to change the subject. “You enjoying your birthday so far? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ron looking so stressed to get something right before.” He chuckled.

Hermione’s face softened at that and Harry seemed to have achieved his goal. He knew that she wouldn’t forget for long though, but this at least gave him time to get his act together and stop obsessing over Draco for longer than 5 minutes.

“He’s really outdone himself today.” She smiled warmly. “I told him I didn’t need anything for my birthday and that just his company would be enough but obviously he didn’t listen to me at all.” She smirked, eyes twinkling with what looked like actual tears she was holding back. “He’s been giving me a present every hour and initially I thought he’d gone mad because he started off giving me a tube of spearmint toothpaste, but then he gave me books, then a new bottle of that perfume he gave me that I wear every day. He said it was… his amortentia.” At that a tear did role down her face that she quickly brushed away but didn’t wash away the look of love that was blossoming all over her face. Honestly, it was at times like these that Harry was jealous of what his friends had. That requited, real, true love that they both had for each other, even when they both argued they never lost that look in their eyes that showed just how much they cared for one another. Harry had seen something similar to that look in Hermione’s warm brown eyes right now, in another’s. In _his_. In those piercing grey eyes that were plaguing his mind at the moment. He pushed that thought to the back of his mind, however. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. It was exhausting. He knew it would still come back to him at night though. When he would lay awake, his thoughts going a mile a minute. Always resulting in him having broken dreams that involved silver eyes, white hair and soft lips.

Harry put his arm around Hermione and gave her a squeeze. “You two getting married anytime soon then?” He teased. The whole Weasley family had been taking bets for the past year on when either Ron or Hermione was going to pop the question.

“Shut up.” Hermione shot back, rolling her eyes but looking amused all the same.

“I’ve got 5 galleons on Ron proposing in the next 2 months so he needs to get on with it to be honest.”

At that, Hermione actually snorted which set Harry off laughing, which in turn led to Hermione joining in as well.

“I’m slaving away in here guys, stop having so much fun without me!” Ron called from the doorway of the house. “Lunch is ready though so come on you two” he gestured to the pair of them.

All four of them, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny sat round the table laughing and talking and joking like they were back at Hogwarts. Ginny still looked just as beautiful, long red hair that glowed like gold in the sunlight from the window and brown eyes that could hold you in their vision and give you the impression that they knew everything about you that even you didn’t know about yourself. Most of the time that was true. That’s why it had been her that had sat down with Harry and told him they should break up and that he didn’t love her. Not in the way that she wanted to be loved by him. He loved her like a sister still. The initial lust had worn off and they both then realised that they weren’t meant to be with each other. They still remained friends, however, and were now probably closer than they had been previously. The worries of the day disappeared from Harry the more he let himself relax. At least for now, he could have a break from his constantly overthinking brain. Once the plates were cleared and they were all too full to do much more than sit, Ron turned to Hermione and said, “Should we tell them then?”

“Tell us what?” Ginny asked, eyes darting between the two of them. Harry caught her eye and they both exchanged a puzzled look.

Hermione smiled. She nodded at Ron and then went into the other room to get something. She came back in and Ron stood up, standing next to her when she placed her left hand out in front of her and revealed a simple but elegant diamond ring on a very important finger.

“We’re engaged!” Hermione’s exclaimed, smiling widely as her face bloomed into the happiest Harry think’s he has ever seen it. Ron looked at her as she told them, his face a mirror image of Hermione’s. Happiness radiating from them both as the light from the window cast a warm light around the two of them, completing the picture.

“Oh my Gods! Guys, congratulations, I’m so happy for you. It’s about time!” Ginny got out of her chair and ran over to them hugging them both tightly.

Harry rose from his chair too and walked over to them both grinning. “Yeah it is about time! Well done mate.” Harry added, winking at Ron. He had known Ron was planning on proposing soon but didn’t know when exactly as he had kept putting it off saying he was “waiting for the perfect time.”

Harry hugged Hermione and then pulled Ron into a hug as well. “I can’t wait to see the look on Molly’s face when she finds out. She’s been practically planning your wedding for the past 3 years.”

“Yeah we’re planning on telling everyone tonight at the meal. Hopefully she won’t spend the whole night crying but this is Mum we’re talking about.” Ron joked light-heartedly, his voice sounding a little breathless from the amount he was smiling.

Harry and Ginny both left at the same time, not long afterwards, after having a glass of champagne or two as a toast to Ron and Hermione. As they were walking towards to gate, getting ready to dissaparate, Ginny pulled Harry aside by his arm.

“So are you going to tell me what’s been going on with you today?”

“What do you mean?” Harry answered, feigning innocence.

Ginny rolled her eyes before poking Harry in the arm. “Come on, Harry. Don’t play dumb with me, I know you better than almost anyone, remember?”

Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair. He couldn’t tell Ginny. For one thing he wasn’t sure how she would even react, and also it didn’t feel right to tell her. It still felt like something Harry wanted to keep to himself for the time being. His secret. His Draco. Although, it was beginning to consume him and he didn’t know how much longer he could last keeping everything bottled up like this. He was already getting hardly any sleep and it was beginning to become all that he thought about. He hadn’t tried to contact Draco since he had left him standing alone in his office the other day, feeling like he should give him some space. Draco was all he thought about at the moment, but he didn’t want to drive him either further away by harassing him to talk to him. This was a delicate situation, and to be honest, Harry felt like he had needed some time apart as well to simply digest what had happened and think about what to do next. He wanted to see, Draco. He really did. However, he didn’t want to push him away either by coming on too strong. Deciding on a compromise, Harry finally answered her.

“Well…something happened the other day with someone…and I don’t know… it’s complicated and it’s been keeping me a bit pre occupied, that’s all.” Harry knew this was not the answer, Ginny wanted but he knew it was just enough that she would be placated, at least for a while, until Harry was ready to talk.

Ginny bit her bottom lip. Obviously trying to decide whether to push him for more or not and eventually deciding that she wouldn’t. It was true. She could read Harry better than almost anybody, along with Hermione. So she could tell that Harry didn’t want to reveal any more for the time being.

“Okay.” Ginny met his eyes as she said the next words. “I know there’s more to this than you’re telling me right now, but I know you will tell me when the time is right. I trust you, Harry. Please know that I’m here for you whenever you need me though. Not much you can say would shock me anyway.” She winked.

Ginny was the only one who knew that Harry was bi sexual. He had come out to her a few weeks after they had broken up and she had been nothing but supportive, and admittedly to Harry’s surprise at the time, hadn’t even been shocked. That was when he had realised that Ginny did in fact know him more than he even knew himself sometimes.

“Thanks, Gin.” Harry smiled warmly at her, pulling her in to kiss her on the cheek. “I don’t deserve you.”

“No, you don’t.” Ginny replied, smirking. And with that, they both said their goodbyes and dissaparated.

 

* * *

 

Draco mentally slapped himself again for about the 50th time that day. He couldn’t stop thinking about Potter. Not only was he filling his waking hours, it was also haunting his dreams as well now. He just needed to forget. Forget about how Harry’s lips had felt on his. How it felt to finally, after all these years have his feelings reciprocated. Or at least he thought his feelings were reciprocated, but how could he be sure? Since he left Harry in his office that day, he hadn’t even attempted to contact, Draco. _That’s what you wanted though, wasn’t it?_ Draco thought to himself. Having the same internal battle with himself that he had been having for the past 3 days now. There was part of him that wanted, Harry to run out after him when he had left that day and stop him from leaving, but then there was the other part of him. The more sensible and rational side of him that knew he needed to keep away from Harry. He didn’t want to hurt him or for him to be hurt _because_ of him. That had happened enough already in Draco’s life for him to want to hide away from the rest of the world forever, feeling like he was a bomb ready to go off and hurt all those who were around him. The mistakes of his youth looming over him constantly. Following him around like his shadow. The mark on his left forearm serving as an unwelcome reminder of what he regretted most.

He had spent most of those few days since brooding in self-pity, only leaving his flat or shop if it was completely necessary. Instead choosing to keep himself busy with his potions. This was much to the dismay of his friends, Pansy and Blaise. He’d told Pansy what had happened that day which had earned him a 20 minute lecture from her about how he needs to stop being such a martyr and just go for what he wants for once, because he does deserve it and now he’s gone and been an idiot, probably hurting, Potter in the process. Not that she cared about Potter’s feelings, however, she was quick to point out. It was Draco she was concerned about. That had led to, Blaise being let in on what had happened and them both now being on a mission it seemed, to make Draco go and shove Harry against a wall, kissing him senseless. Or at least, that was Pansy’s suggestion. Blaise seemed to understand more about why Draco had done what he had, but kept that opinion to himself most of the time at the risk of being snapped at by Pansy. Draco couldn’t help but internally chuckle at that, however. Pansy and Blaise really were like an old married couple sometimes and he knew that they had both liked each other for ages but were just too stubborn to admit it. So really, they were in no position to be giving _him_ advice but he let them anyway. Knowing that they only did it because they cared.

“Draco, _please_ just go and apologise and talk to him!” Blaise had pleaded earlier that day when they had all been together in Draco’s flat, after having had to listen to Pansy talking their ears off all morning about how frustrating Draco was and what he should do about Harry for what felt like the millionth time.

Blaise wasn’t the type to give advice regularly and so when he did, it always made Draco sit up and listen. He knew they were both right. He knew he shouldn’t have walked out on Harry after that afternoon but he also feels like he is doing the right thing for once in his life. By staying away he was protecting Harry. This was his chance to actually do something selfless and good. _It’s also your only chance at being truly happy though_ the annoying voice in his head that he kept trying to shut off.

Draco sighed to himself and balled his hands into fists, rubbing at his eyes. He wanted to see Harry so badly it was exhausting him. He needed to be strong though. This was for Harry that he was doing this. He kept repeating that to himself when he was having a particularly weak moment so that he didn’t say fuck it all and go and seek out Harry right there and then. With that thought still being repeated in his head, he went downstairs to distract himself with his potions yet again.

 

* * *

 

 _Fuck it,_ Harry finally concluded. All that had been going over and over in his head all evening after he had come back from the burrow was Draco. That man would be the death of him. He needed to see him. He had tried to give him his space but he just couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t care if Draco turned him away as soon as he got there and told him he was an idiot and it didn’t mean anything, he just needed to _know_. So he decided. He’s going to go to Draco’s after work tomorrow. This was something he needed to do and he wasn’t going to let anything stop him. 


	7. Don't you feel it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is gonna make you frustrated ngl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr: life-on-terra  
> <3

Harry leant against the wall of the alleyway which led to Draco’s flat, as he tried to calm himself down by taking some deep breathes. _I’m being ridiculous,_ he thought to himself for the countless time that day. This was the day he was going to go to Draco and finally attempt to make some sense of just what the hell was going on between them. _I’ve faced dark wizards, the darkest wizard of all time and yet I’m losing my mind over seeing Draco bloody Malfoy._

“Get a grip.” He muttered to himself as he stood up from against the wall and ran a hand through his hair. After one more moment of hesitation, he walked the rest of the way to Draco’s place, feeling as if the world around him was going in slow motion, placing his hand around the brass serpent knocker of the front door which was to the side of the shop and knocking three times. His heart felt like it was lodged somewhere in his windpipe as he desperately tried in vain to stop his pulse from sky rocketing as he heard footsteps approaching from behind the door. That only made him want to turn back immediately but before he could sprint from the doorstep right there and then, the door opened and he was reminded why he needed to do this when bottle green eyes met grey that resembled the sky on a cloudy day, leaving him feeling as if he’d been stupefied. Draco seemed equally taken aback at having come face to face with Harry and stiffened for a moment as if frozen before slipping back into his defensive Malfoy demeanour.

“Harry.” Draco nodded, snapping Harry back into reality.

“We need to talk. Can I come in…please?” Harry said the last word with a little more desperation than he had wanted to betray with his voice.

Draco didn’t say or do anything for a second, as if he was having just as hard a time trying to remember how to function as Harry was. For the briefest of moments, he thought he saw a flash of what looked like apprehension in Draco’s eyes but it was gone almost as soon as it had appeared, as he turned to the side, opening the door wider and gesturing to Harry to come in, shutting the door after him, letting him make his way up to Draco’s living room.

Draco followed behind, Harry, whilst mentally scolding himself for checking out Harry’s butt as they made their way up the stairs. _Now is not the time._ Draco thought to himself.

Once inside the room, Harry turned to face, Draco. Both of them using this brief moment of time to fully take in what the other looked like. Harry still looked like he hadn’t slept much which sent a pang of guilt and worry through Draco, despite him not knowing for sure it was because of him. He still had his Auror robes on which fit him in all the right places and his hair was falling in its usual messy way, making him look equally put together and yet dishevelled in the best way. However, there was a look of anxiety etched into his face, Harry never being able to hide his emotions very well. Draco, Harry noted, was looking particularly good today. He was wearing loose fitting black trousers with a tight fitting white t-shirt. Having changed out of his robes for the day just minutes earlier, which had also left his hair looking slightly ruffled and extremely hot. Harry didn’t know how he had gone through so many years of his life without realising just how perfect the man standing before him actually was. He had to blink a few more times than necessary to try and defeat the hold that Draco had over him right now. There was stuff they needed to talk about and Harry would be damned if he didn’t say his piece. He had spent most of the past day attempting to prepare a speech of everything he wanted to say to Draco. A speech that now seemed to have abandoned him in his hour of need, leaving him having to use what felt like every last bit of his brain power to try and form a coherent sentence.

Draco simply looked on at Harry waiting for him to start talking. His cool outside demeanour portraying the complete opposite of what he felt like inside, where it seemed like the original butterflies had now turned into a bunch of Cornish pixies inside his stomach. Harry finally managed to snap out of the spell that it felt like Draco had on him and remember why he was there in the first place.

“Why did you walk out the other day?” Harry asked, pointedly looking Draco in the eyes.

“You just left me standing there like an idiot, wondering what I’d done wrong.”

Draco felt a wave of guilt crash over him, making him want to close the space between them and pull Harry as close to him as possible, make him know that he’d done nothing wrong. It wasn’t his fault. He was perfect. He couldn’t though. He needed to keep his space, for Harry’s sake. This was all for Harry.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Harry.” Draco answered solemnly after a pause, not meeting Harry’s eyes.

“Then why? Why did you go and not come back? I haven’t heard from you in days. I don’t know if this is how you treat everyone you kiss but I personally don’t like being used like that and then thrown away…like I don’t matter.”

Draco whipped his head up at that. Meeting Harry’s eyes for the first time in this conversation, seeing the genuine hurt behind them and never wanting to see it again. Not matter? How could he think he doesn’t matter? He is the only thing that matters.

“Don’t say that. Just…don’t. You do matter. Of course you do. It was nothing to do with you, Harry. I just needed to think. That’s why I didn’t contact you again. I needed some time away so I could try and think clearly, without distraction. And…” Draco cut off there. Looking back down at the floor wanting to say anything else in the world than what he was about to, but knowing that he had to. “And, I don’t think we should let that happen again. I don’t think we should pursue this, whatever this is. It would be a mistake, another mistake to add on to the list that I already have to my name. I don’t want you to get hurt, Harry. Please understand though, that you did nothing wrong. _Nothing._ ”

Draco looked back up and saw Harry staring at him before he turned his head away, his gaze fixated on a spot on the wall. His face was tight and _oh no, he had seen that face before._ Draco braced himself for an onslaught of Harry’s rage. However, Harry didn’t immediately shout at him like Draco had expected. Instead what he said hurt much worse.

Harry then looked back round to Draco and spoke with a controlled and level voice, in an obvious attempt to not betray anything with his voice, but failing when all Draco could hear was hurt still. Hurt that then made him feel pain as well. Pain in his heart that was now aching with guilt and the wanton desire to just fuck it all and tell Harry how he really felt and what he really wanted. “ _Nothing._ Yeah, that’s obviously what I must mean to you then. You don’t want to hurt me? Don’t you realise that that’s what you’re doing to me right now? Look, I don’t understand whatever this is between us anymore than you do, but there are some things that I know. I know that I think about you all the time, and that it feels like there is…like an invisible piece of string that connects me to you. Right here, by my heart. I know that I don’t regret kissing you. I know that I want to kiss you again, every day. I know that if I saw anyone else doing that I wouldn’t know what to do with myself…and I don’t know why I feel like this. Maybe I always have and for some reason it’s taken me this long to realise. I tried to stay away from you, give you some space to let you think and sort out whatever it was that you needed to. I did…but I couldn’t. I don’t know why you’re saying what you are but if it’s for some stupid bloody reason that your Slytherin head has convinced yourself is the right thing to do, then please just don’t. Just tell me the truth. _Please._ ” Harry said taking a step towards Draco.

“I can’t. Harry please stop. I just can’t.” Draco said, trying to stop his voice from cracking as he unwillingly let his emotions show through, turning his face away from Harry

“Why not? Please Draco just tell me why!” Harry grabbed onto Draco’s arm and cupping his face with his other hand to turn his face back towards him.

Draco’s eyes were shining with unshed tears as he tried to compose himself. He couldn’t hold back his emotions anymore, however, and he stepped back from Harry, pulling himself out of his grip. He turned his back to Harry, his muscles visibly tightening, his voice rising with every word he spoke. “HARRY I SAID I CAN’T OKAY? JUST STOP! I’M DOING THIS FOR YOU WHY CAN’T YOU JUST EXCEPT THAT AND LEAVE IT ALONE?”

Harry’s temper was now flaring as well and he couldn’t stop himself from shouting the words that seemed to so effortlessly reveal themselves in his mind – “BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.”

They both froze, Harry rooted to the spot as the realisation of what he had just said slowly hit him. He didn’t have much time to reflect, however, as Draco spun around and instantly closed the space between them, pushing Harry against the wall behind them and meeting Harry’s lips with his own, kissing him furiously with need and want and heat. Harry couldn’t help the moan that escaped his throat, being swallowed by Draco’s mouth who practically growled in response. Harry parted his lips to allow Draco’s tongue entrance, both of their tongues battling for dominance until Draco bit down on Harry’s lower lip, eliciting another whimper from Harry. Draco moved his hands down to Harry’s waist whilst Harry tangled his fingers into Draco’s blonde hair, gripping it tightly and pulling him impossibly closer. His other hand on the small of his back. Harry swiped his tongue along Draco’s lip, making him involuntarily moan back in response. This was nothing like either of them had felt before. It was passion and lust that practically blinded them and made them see stars. The only thing either of them knew or wanted was the other. Draco pressed his body even closer against Harry’s, stepping In between Harry’s parted legs and rocking his hips, so that their increasingly hardening erections could rub together through the fabric of their trousers. That made Harry’s knees weak and he moaned even louder into Draco’s mouth, still not breaking the kiss. He was overcome with lust and found himself wanting – needing, more. However, Draco then suddenly broke the kiss and pulled back, not looking at Harry. His face considerably more pink than it had ever been before, matching the flush on Harry’s cheeks. He stepped back, meeting Harry’s eyes that were a mixture of longing and confusion. Draco’s eyes depicting his conflicting emotions right now. They were a combination of the same longing that Harry’s were clouded over with but also of grief and despair.

“We can’t…I can’t. Please, Harry just leave. I’m doing this for you. Just trust me that we can’t. _Please._ ”

Harry looked like he was ready to cry out of frustration and ran his hand through his hair with more force than was necessary. “Don’t you feel it? Don’t you feel what I feel when you kiss me…when you look at me? Please don’t do this again Draco. Don’t push me away.”

“Harry please.” Draco chocked.

Harry looked him in the eyes, wanting nothing more than to kiss him just to shut him up, but he didn’t. He just stood there, trying to think of something to say to stop him from saying what he was, but to no avail. He knew what he needed to do. He needed to show Draco just how much Draco needed him, as much as he needed Draco. To show him that his fears, whatever they are, are unfounded.

“Fine.” Harry said calmly. “When you’re ready I’ll still be here. I don’t know why you’re so scared of hurting me or what you think is going to happen…but when you’re ready to tell me and admit to yourself that you want this enough to fight for it, then you come and find me. Until then, I’ll still think of you, and I’ll still love you.” And with that, Harry left Draco standing alone in his living room, wanting nothing more than to call Harry back and say those words that he had been wanting to say for years – _I love you too_.


	8. Hate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry its been a while. A year and a half is actually disgraceful...oops. This is just a really short chapter but I wanted to give you something and its going to lead up to some nice longer fluffier one's soon, so stay tuned. I was reluctant to finish this fanfiction because even though it wasn't really that long ago, I feel like my writing style and actual life experience that I can use to write better stories has changed quite a lot. I've had a bit of a rough time of it lately and thought fuck it, why not! It makes me happy to write and read your comments, so I'm gonna finish it. Even if reading the other chapters makes me cringe ;) Hope you enjoy and I'll post again soon. I have four days off work so I have plenty of time. Love you all - Millie <3

Draco stared down at the fresh batch of mostly anonymous hate letters arrived this morning. He could just Incendio them but, as Pansy likes to frequently point out, he’s a masochist who won’t forgive himself because then he’d have to find something else to do other than brooding in his potions cave. This is what he didn’t want Harry to have to deal with. To see. The attack in Diagon Alley was by no means the first and wouldn’t be the last. Harry couldn’t be there all the time to save him, he didn’t want to be saved. He just wanted a normal life. What if Harry ended up getting hurt on his behalf?! No. He wasn’t going to allow that to happen. Even if it meant he was banged up in Azkaban for the next 100 years, he would never let it. That’s why it’s better for them to just stay away from each other and get on with the lives that are expected of them. Potter can settle down with the she weasel or some other bint, have a few kids and become Minster of Magic or something else ridiculously noble. Draco can continue to run his Potions shop, hopefully regain some of his fallen reputation and most probably either die alone or have an arranged marriage and produce an heir, whilst dying on the inside because the one thing he always wanted would never be his. He can practically hear Pansy’s irritating voice. _You’re such a drama queen, Draco._ Actually that sounded almost too real to be inside his head… –

“FUCK!” Draco’s ass was throbbing from the pain of a stinging hex right on his left butt cheek. As he reached for his wand, Pansy’s evil cackle filled his ears as she came round the other side of the table and slid into one of the chairs.

“Bloody hell Dray you were on another planet then. Please don’t tell me you’re still being an idiot” she said rolling her eyes, “Oh wait it’s you though so why would I even begin to hope for otherwise?”

“You’re lucky I didn’t hex you, you insufferable Banshee!”

Pansy smirked, “Please, like you’d be fast enough.” Voice dripping with sarcasm she eyed the pile of letters on the table, “letters from your fans and admirers, I presume?”

“Piss off. What are you even doing here anyway?”

“I haven’t seen you in over 2 weeks now Draco and Blaise said he’s heard nothing from you either. He’s so busy all the time that I’ve been forced to spend time with Millicent. Millie, Draco! There’s only so much talk of cats that one woman can stand. I’ve let you have time for your self-pitying “oh I’m a death eater, everybody hates me” moods but now I’m not having it. I mean it! It’s been years, Draco. So you get a few hate letters and every now and then you’ll get some loony on the street trying to start something – you’re better than that. Everyone makes mistakes. Do you think I like my life sometimes? I get just as much hate as you do a lot of the time but, I know who I am and I’m not going to let someone’s bitter opinion of what I did when I was a naïve and scared teenager, ruin my life. I mean come on, I bet even the great Harry potter gets hate mail every now and then. Some of those Prophet articles aren’t very favourable the whole time, you know. They’re just words though Dray. Written by people who can’t move on and just need someone to blame. Someone to vent all their frustration and anger towards, and you don’t have to read it. You don’t have to let it rule your life. Now come on, Draco. Get the fuck out of this house and go fuck Potter against a wall somewhere because Merlin, does that guy look like he needs it right now.”

Draco’s eyes were shining with unshed tears as he listened to Pansy’s words, knowing how lucky he was the have her in his life. His eyes drifted to one letter in particular that rested just to the side of the others. Barely legible but familiar handwriting made up the words “I miss you. – Harry”.

“You know I never thought I would say this Pans but you’re right. Salazar, I’ve been such an idiot!” He kissed her on the cheek and swept out of the room to the floo.

He was going to get his life back.


	9. "Getting what's mine."

Draco arrived at the ministry foyer just as the morning rush of workers was in full swing. Now that he was here he didn’t really know what to do. He just needed to see Harry, to hear his voice, to hold him and feel him against his body again. He made his way to the reception, wary of the glances he received from witches and wizards as they saw him. However, rather than feeling the need to hunch his shoulders and trying to resist the urge to disillusion himself, he held his head high in the way he used to before the war. Just as he came near to the reception desk to hand in his wand, he saw a mop of wild black hair and flash of Auror robes to his left. He turned his head so fast he almost cricked his neck and stopped to stare at him. The man he wanted so much his heart beat was ricocheting inside his chest. Then he saw who he was with. He was tall and well-built with dark shoulder length, wavy chestnut hair…and he was standing entirely too close for Draco’s liking. They were by the fountain, the man leaning in and placing a hand on an obviously uncomfortable Harry’s shoulder as Harry reached up to brush his hand off, shaking his head at whatever the (smarmy haired handsy bastard, as Draco was calling him in his head) was saying to him. He felt a fierce flame of jealousy and anger burn in his chest and found his feet taking him towards the pair at an impressive pace. He didn’t take his eyes off them once, taking in everything about Harry’s appearance and body language. He seemed to be trying to politely excuse himself to little avail, as the man kept stepping forward every time he took a step back to leave. Well sod that for a game of gobstones, no one was allowed to touch Harry like that. As he approached, his footsteps echoing off the vast marble walls, Harry turned his head and met Draco’s eyes. Relief seemed to flash across his face and then apprehension as he saw Draco’s eyes flash with obvious contempt.

“Draco! What are you doing here?” Harry’s voice drew the other man’s attention to him, his face turning into a sneer.

“Getting what’s mine.” Draco growled out as he stepped in between the two men and pulled Harry towards him. His arm wrapped around Harry’s waist protectively.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? We were having a conversation here. I thought the ministry was supposed to be a Death Eater free zone now.” The man snarled.

Before Draco could even respond, Harry had stepped in front of him and drawn himself up to his full height. “Actually _we_ weren’t having a discussion about anything, Kilgerton. As telling you politely doesn’t seem to be getting through to your thick skull, I’m _not_ interested. And as it seems to have escaped your notice, the war has been over for 7 years now and Draco has just as much right to walk these halls as you do. More so probably since he knows the difference between yes and no. Now please kindly, _fuck off_ , before I finally have you reported for harassment.”

Kilgerton shot Draco a scowl looking like he wanted to spit something else venomous before looking back at Harry, clearly seeing something in his face that made him decide better of it, storming off with a petulant huff.

Harry turned to Draco, whose eyes were dilated after seeing Harry’s assertion of dominance and authority, the crackle of his magic which had flared up still tingling around Draco’s body, sending chills down his spine. Their eyes met and the anger that had darkened Harry’s eyes softened when he looked at Draco.

“So…” Harry’s voice sounded uncertain, even after Draco’s possessive display.

Draco couldn’t wait any longer, not caring about the audience they seemed to have acquired, and reached out a hand to grasp the front of Harry’s robes and capture his lips in a kiss. He was still for a couple of seconds, but that was all it took before his mind came back into gear and he kissed Draco back with equal enthusiasm. Not bothering to hide the moan that escaped his mouth before it was swallowed by Draco’s eager lips against his. Draco tilted his head to the side to allow a better angle for him to confidently run his tongue along Harry’s bottom lip before sucking on it. The kiss then became open mouthed as Harry slipped his tongue inside, tasting Draco for what felt like the first time in years. It was sloppy and perfect at the same time, the heat of their mouths intoxicating and addictive in the best way. Draco’s hand was a steady pressure on Harry’s chest, the fast but steady beating of his heart and anchor so that he didn’t just take Harry right here…in the foyer. _Shit._ Draco pulled away first, his senses reeling with everything Harry. He could smell the scent of his aftershave, musky and fresh, with something ultimately Harry underneath. It was making his mind short circuit and kept beckoning him back like a Siren’s call. Harry was in a similar state of dishevelment, feeling Draco’s warm body against his, and the silky strands of his hair beneath his fingers where he had subconsciously let his hand linger. Neither could resist leaning back in for another chaste kiss. Before it was Harry this time that pulled away again and took a step back to stop himself from doing something incredibly embarrassing in front of his co-workers.

“Wow…um…come to your senses then?” Harry said slightly breathlessly, taking in Draco’s pink cheeks and ruffled hair, before darting down to his wet lips. Their eyes met again and the lust and _love_ that Harry felt heating his whole body was staring back at him through Draco’s eyes.

Draco smirked. “Well it took me long enough.” His smirk faltered, worry and regret seeming to take its place in the lines of his face. “Not too long, I hope.”

Harry stepped slightly closer again, “I would have waited longer. Now come with me, we should probably talk before the urge to kiss you gets any stronger and I have to detain myself for public indecency.”

With that, Harry took Draco’s hand and led him towards reception, ignoring the people around them who looked like their jaws were almost hanging off, or who were murmuring amongst themselves shooting shocked or suspicious looks towards Draco.

Once inside Harry’s office, Draco couldn’t resist any longer and pushed Harry against the back of the door, claiming his mouth once again, feeling him smile against his lips. He knew they needed to talk though and so pulled himself reluctantly away. He hadn’t had time to mentally prepare any sort of speech and his mind had practically melted away to nothing but _Harry Harry Harry,_ so he can’t be entirely to blame when he ineloquently ended up blurting out “I was an idiot.”

Harry snorted. “Yeah well you can say that again.”

“I was an idiot.” They both chuckled. The mood seemed to shift to something more serious, however, as Harry’s face sobered and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“You really hurt me for a while there you know.”

“I know. I’m so sorry, Harry. I was a coward…again. I just wanted to protect you but I realise now that I was wrong to push you away and that really I was protecting myself more. I thought it would be easier to just hide away from my past and stay away from you. I was wrong. Staying away from you was the worst thing to do – for both of us. I was afraid of other people’s reactions. Of how they would ostracise me even more for daring to corrupt their Golden Boy, and of putting you in harm’s way of the people who would inevitably set up a personal vendetta us for you being with a Death Eater.”

“Merlin’s bollocks, Draco didn’t you think I’d already thought about all that. I know there are going to be people who are going to hate even the idea of us. I know that there is going to be articles and comments in the street and all that rubbish. But _I don’t care._ They can say and write what they want, they have been since I was 11. They don’t matter. I want to be with you. If they can’t understand or except that then fuck them all.”

“I know but what if you’d been attacked or hit by accident if some prat like in Diagon Alley – “

“ – Draco I’m Head Auror and took on Voldemort. I really don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

Draco’s lips quirked upwards at that. “Hero _Potter_ ” he drawled.

Harry sniggered. “Ferret face”

Draco smiled at Harry and let out a deep breathe. “Well I suppose I’ll be going now then. Got lots to do and all that.” He started moving towards the door, holding in a laugh at Harry’s narrowed eyes.

“Oh no you don’t.” he grabbed hold of Draco’s wrist and pulled him flush against him before pressing their lips together and biting down on Draco’s lower lip for good measure. After what felt like hours but was probably only 10 minutes of exploring each other’s mouths, hands wandering dangerously low, shirts coming untucked to feel skin against skin like a couple of teenagers, Harry unwillingly pulls away,

“As much as I would love to just spend all day ravishing you, I really need to get some work done.” Harry glanced at his pile of paperwork on his desk and then longingly back at Draco before nuzzling into his neck.

Draco felt his heart skip a beat at the intimate gesture, hardly believing this was his life. The feel of Harry’s stubble against his neck was not doing anything for his very prominent hard on right now either. Harry’s equally noticeable interest hard against his thigh.

“Errrgh I suppose you’re right. Potions aren’t going to brew themselves…let’s have dinner tonight?”

“Sounds perfect. Although it’s going to be torture having to wait all day.”

Draco arched a pale eyebrow. “Well I am pretty irresistible.”  

“Sod off.” Harry grinned.

“I’ll owl you the time and place. See you later.” With that, Draco placed one last lingering kiss to Harry’s lips, stroking his cheek with his thumb, and left to open the door to enter back into the world, smiling at Harry again before he closed it.

Now that Draco was gone, Harry went to sit at his desk to attempt a start at today’s case load, trying to avoid thinking of pink lips and grey eyes, before he suddenly thought, _Oh shit, I need to tell Ron and Hermione._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're coming to the end now. I've got a sort of epilogue planned which I'm gonna write soon. Thanks for reading and hope you liked it my loves <3


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